Shy or Selfish?

My hope in all of my blogs is to be truly transparent. It's a little scary, because you never know who may be reading it, but perhaps people will see that although I try to act like I have it all together, I really don't. Here goes...

Some of you may or may not know this about me, but I tend to be pretty shy. I’ve actually come a long way since grade school when I did not talk to a single teacher! I am only an extrovert when I force myself to be and I am trying to get better at this. I enjoy being outgoing and meeting new people, I just do not like the awkwardness you sometimes feel when you don’t know what to say or you are afraid of embarrassing yourself.

The more and more I thought about this, however, I realized that it really comes down to selfishness and pride. This is especially true in a church setting. When I see a visitor on a Sunday morning and refuse to go up and talk to them simply because I feel uncomfortable, it’s really selfish of me. I can say this because I have done this many times! I was once that visitor. I, at one time, felt uncomfortable, because I did not know anyone at the church except for one or two people that I worked with.

I spent so much time thinking about how uncomfortable it was for me to talk to people, that it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. My mind was so concentrated on how uncomfortable I felt, that it would not tell my legs to walk over and say hi to the person. It’s funny how our minds control so much of what we do. At least this is my opinion. Many of you who know me know that as a counselor-in-training, I agree with many (not all!) aspects of the cognitive-behavioral theory, in which the counselor helps the client confront negative self-talk. Part of my theory stems from 2 Corinthians 10:5 in which Paul tells us to take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. This approach guides a counselor into looking at the roots of problems such as anxiety to see what thought processes lead them to these behaviors. I could go into much more detail and explain what parts I agree with and what parts I don’t, in addition to how I believe sin plays a part, but this isn’t the right time for that. I simply came to realize that perhaps I thought TOO much about my comfort level. Maybe I needed to push it out of my mind (not an easy thing to do) and just reach out to those people that I would normally find it difficult to introduce myself to. I needed to put aside my selfishness and pride and humble myself (Proverbs 3:34). Perhaps then it would no longer be about me and how I felt. Instead, it would be about reaching out to others just as Jesus did. We are called to be like Christ, right? Besides, the very title "Christian" means to be Christ-like.

In addition to the mind games, I realized that my desire to meet and, more importantly, to CONNECT with others, should come from a deep rooted, unreserved loved for others. Isn’t this what Jesus taught? The greatest commandment is to love God and to love others (Matthew 22:37-39). Do I really live this or do I try to convince myself that I “feel” like I love others? In my opinion, it’s scarier when we are able to convince ourselves by mere feeling that we love others than it is when we simply confess that we don’t and work on the heart issue. For if we really love others from the heart (even when we don’t FEEL like loving them), then our actions will naturally display that love.

Please don’t think I have it down. Sure, the last couple of weeks God has really gotten hold of me and helped me push through my obstacles in order to reach out to people I would have been afraid to talk to in the past, but it was definitely not because of anything I did. I know I will probably still continue to struggle with this at times, but a few successes help me realize that it is possible to break out of my “uncomfortableness” and seek true fellowship with others. What a joy it is in knowing that I have other people around me that are seeking and following the Lord. Why wouldn’t I want to get to know these individuals? And what am I missing out on by not taking a chance and introducing myself?

Jessica

1 John 4: 7-12, 18

7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. […] 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (emphasis mine)