How are you, really?

I just took a full dose of Nyquil to try to kick this cold that reared its ugly head today, so hopefully I will make sense and be able to complete my post without falling asleep. Here’s a shot…

Anyway, most people would agree that one of the questions we are most often asked is "how are you?" It's a great question, really. It's open-ended and invites a response; however, most of us still respond with only one word. Fine. Good. Alright. And before the person can ask you to expand on that question, you jump in quickly with "and how are you?" But you don't really mean it. You want to appear interested without actually investing the time required to truly to listen to a persons answer.

Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? I am no exception. As much as it annoys me when a friend or acquaintance passes by and asks the question over their shoulder without ever stopping to hear an answer, I find myself doing the same thing. It’s almost like it’s the standard. The norm. The thing to do. But that’s no excuse.

When we look at the example of Jesus, he took the time to build relationships and really find out how people were doing. He spent valuable time with his disciples, he was called a friend of tax collectors and sinners (Matthew 11:19), and he showed the ultimate act of friendship by being nailed to a cross and taking on all the sins of the world (John 15:13). I have no doubt that when he asked “how are you doing?” that the person he was speaking with saw in his eyes and heard in his tone of voice that he did not want a lame answer. He wanted the truth. There is no greater love than one man laying down his life for another. Does this mean we can only carry out this command by dying for another? I don’t believe so. Each day we are presented with opportunities to lay down our lives by putting aside our selfish desires and helping out a friend. Serving others. Serving God.

Who’s to say that laying down our life for a moment does not involve setting aside our schedule in order to hear how someone is doing? And in the same way, perhaps its best to just keep our mouth shut if we’re really not going to listen. In fact, you may be the one who reaps the benefits from hearing about the person’s struggles and successes. Perhaps God uses this moment to remind you of his faithfulness through another’s testimony. Or perhaps he uses the moment to remind you that in light of other circumstances, the fact that you are having a difficult day at work is really not all that bad. No matter what he chooses to remind you, the opportunity for a true relationship with that person increases.

It’s time that we shed this façade of relationship and learn to experience true relationships. We must learn to be real with others, or we risk fooling ourselves.

So the next time I see you and I ask, “how are you?” I encourage you to give me an honest answer. It may seem painful at first, but I believe with practice, we may all become better at showing a little vulnerability. And if I don’t seem truly interested, call me out. I can take it. I need it. We all do.

1 John 4:10-12 (NIV) This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.